new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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