sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
