my mouth tastes like poor choices
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I can't put those talents on a resume
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
