so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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