at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
