Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
