No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
