I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
