Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
