Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
