drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
