we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
