Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
