remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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