Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
