At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
