Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
