I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
