Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
