Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
