i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
