Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
