Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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