Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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