I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
