If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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