Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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