we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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