how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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