Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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