you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you still have your period?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
