Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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