he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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