Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
