my mouth tastes like poor choices
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
