I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was born a porn star she said
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
