Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
