hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
