We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
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Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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