new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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