i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Oh god it's open bar.
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