my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize