Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
