I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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