Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
