My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
