I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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