Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
