Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
