dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
