i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
