The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
