I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
