I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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