I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
