Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
