have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
