Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
