Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
