sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize