you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize