She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
